INDECENT PROPOSAL

Now I would like to share with you, in these last days, my people and the council of the wolves a random excerpt from the life of Riddiculus. But this is a heart clenching story, more tragic than that of Romeo and Juliet, even though nobody dies in the end.
It all began when Riddiculus laid eyes upon this this fair maiden from the land of the gowdas, mortal enemies of the Molluscans. Any kind of liaison between these two races was forbidden because God only knows what unholy “potato smash” eating offspring would be purged from the mating of these two morons.
(if you were wondering what “potato smash” was, you’ll have to wait for a later chapter: “BarBQ night word massacre”. I assure you its got nothing to do with potatoes that can smoke pot, unless that’s what he meant. Either ways that’s a story for another day)
Anyway… it was a long long time ago in a kingdom by a coconut tree, (coconuts were staple diet for the molluscans) that a maiden there lived by the name of ro****ree (trust me it rhymes with coconut tree). And there she lived locked up in her mother’s basement with a dream that one day a Molluscan would rescue her from what she pretended was her fortress of solitude, wearing a red cape, playing with crystals. But this dream turns into a nightmare as the story unfolds… because Riddiculus had other plans.
Riddiculus swooped down from the sky like an eagle and rescued his “wimmen”(Don’t ask... “wimmen” is another story) He then confessed his love to her, also he wanted to make her his for all eternity… but for this story to have a point there has to be something different, something magical. As we all wait and watch like little kids watching a superhero, waiting for him to do something awesome; Riddiculus decides to propose to the “wimmen” in the most unconventional way.
By now Riddiculus had learnt certain aspects of human behavior, like the learning computer T-101 (living tissue over metal endoskeleton… and he’s gonna copy your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.) and he had learnt that a way to a wimmen’s heart by surprising her with a ring.
And on a moonlit night, where the cool breeze that blew from a cloud chilled their jeera water champagne(where normally one would’ve hid the ring), where the air was filled with pixie dust, the silhouette of a potato bun appeared in the moonlight. Yes it was Ridduculus offering his “wimmen” a potato bun. She takes a graceful bite, very lady-like only to find a bootleg DVD of the movie “The Ring”. Her heart broke, for she had expected a wedding ring or at least a genuine copy of the movie.
But Riddiculus with his heightened senses immediately sensed the grief n maintained it off by taking the DVD and sticking it in her ring finger and saying silent nothings... just his coughs and actuallys. But to his dismay, she was a tad bit smarter and didn’t buy it.
Yes… on that moonlit night, the cool breeze that blew out of a cloud chilled… and killed the beautiful “wimmen” from inside…
To this day, potato bun is her kryptonite and she mutters incoherently and slobbers and shakes violently when she sees one…
As all hope seems to be lost, we the wolves the guardians of these secrets, look up to Riddiculus with puppy dog eyes to do something amazing, to join the yin and the yang and to restore cosmic balance.
aaawwwhooooo \m/